Have A Casual Hookup (And Keep It That Way)

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If you’re one of the people out there lucky enough to casually connect with people on an intimate level, then kudos to you! One thing that people often do is they move away from being “casual” and things fall apart.

Sure, it’s good to have someone close and have a monogamous relationship. Of course, it’s good, but, it is not the best choice for everyone sometimes. While some of us may enjoy being with our high school sweethearts, people we’ve been seeing for a long time, there are those of us that enjoy having a casual, open relationship or just plain old hookups.

Yes, dating can be tedious sometimes, and for some people, based on studies and past experiences, serious dating is a definite NO-NO. The smart thing to do is to engage in casual, no-strings-attached dating – simple as that.

Maybe some of you reading this are experts on this topic, in which case if you have some advice for our readers then you’re welcome to leave a comment below. For those that are newbies and not quite familiar with casual dating, then below you’ll find several tips (more on the main blog too) which we think are important to know.

The Office Casual Dating Gif

Things To Keep in Mind When Trying To Keep It Casual

Consider this article your single and main guide for this topic. Casual dating doesn’t have to get serious, trust me, I live it.  Here’s some advice for you…

Don’t let past experiences ruin/tarnish new opportunities

If you had a bad experience in a previous relationship (or even worse, a previous marriage), this is by no means a recipe for how your next relationship will go. And if your last serious relationship went up in flames, don’t jump right ahead and get serious with someone else right away.

Give yourself some time to relax and see what the world has to offer. Engage in some harmless flirting, enjoy yourself and relax enough to feel comfortable to start dating again. And if you had several bad experiences regarding past girlfriends, then allow yourself to enjoy casual fun without the seriousness of a relationship.

You can either get a partner that is interested in exactly the same things as you – keeping a casual relationship with mutual satisfaction, or engage in the occasional casual date. If you go with option A, a casual relationship with someone, then you need to keep a relaxed attitude towards the whole ordeal. A casual relationship with someone basically means that there are no related complications between the involved sides, only casual, fun dating, and no commitments.

If you decide to go with option B, have a casual date from time to time, things are far less complicated and you don’t run the risk of ending up in a complicated mess.

Be clear about your feelings (and intentions)

Talking about feelings is not reserved only for the ladies. And if you think that you are in a casual relationship, and you are safe from talking, then you can’t be more wrong. A casual relationship is still a relationship and as such it requires open communication between both sides. Even if the relationship is only based on satisfying the more basic needs, the involved sides still need to see each other, talk and have a causal meal once in a while.

Even if there are no serious relationship complications, the open talks make everything easier. If you are open and talk freely about your expectations needs and wants, and the other side does the same, then even though it is casual, the relationship can be enjoyable for both.

Because keeping things casual is more appealing to a great number of people, having an open conversation is far easier than the talk necessary in a serious relationship. You can keep your secrets, and she/he can keep theirs, but you need to have an established routine and basic rules that are satisfactory for both of you.

The clear, open talks eliminate the risk of further complicating things and having to break up the relationship because of misunderstanding and unclear expectations.

Check all emotion at the door

This is basically the first rule about poker, according to Rusty from Ocean’s Eleven. But it is a rule that can be readily applied in a lot of cases, one being casual dating. Establishing clear intentions and asking about their expectations should be the first thing you both talk about.

Rusty Ryan Ocean's Eleven
Credit: Ocean’s Eleven

If you happen to enter a casual relationship with someone, and they are interested in a long-term relationship, then you both need to be aware of it and keep it fair and simple. Let’s say you are in for the casual sex and she is looking for the happily ever after. You need to be a gentleman about it and allow her to look for what she wants, and not keep her in a casual relationship that will be hurtful.

If you are interested in keeping things strictly casual, then don’t try and hide it, but lead with it. Be aware of any emotion involved, especially your own. Don’t sweet talk your partner and then leave them hanging. If at any time during the casual relationship you happen to change your mind about any aspect of the relationship or start developing feelings, you should talk to your partner.

Don’t manipulate with yours and your partner’s feelings. Being respectful towards your partner, open and forward about your feelings and intentions will save you both a lot of time, issues and heartache.

Respect is a crucial component (regardless of the type of relationship)

No matter if it is a casual relationship, or just a fling, respect towards your partner is essential. Nicety and respect are traits of well-behaved people, and necessary for every kind of human interaction. That includes even the most mundane interactions.

The people that show respect towards others have far greater chances of success in any aspect. When treating people respectfully and nicely you gain a lot more. If your casual partner asks something via text, then take a couple of minutes to reply. But not over-communicate. Sharing everything and anything with the person you have only a casual relationship can complicate things and unconsciously imply that you are interested in a more serious commitment. Be respectful of their wishes and needs, and ask the same in return.

Don’t compare current partners with previous partners

If you look for the differences between your current casual partner and your previous casual/serious partners, that relationship is destined to fail greatly. Never (almost never) mention what or how your ex did something. It is confusing and disrespectful to your current partner to be compared to your ex who you are no longer with.

This leads to unnecessary complications like opening old wounds and showing feelings that you’d rather keep to yourself. If you only want a casual relationship with your current partner, and you are both in agreement, then don’t tell them about your ex, and don’t ask about their ex.

Avoid complications

A casual dating relationship with someone (which is actually a casual hookup relationship) is a place where emotions need not to be involved. If you start having any feelings towards your partner but want to keep things casual, it is better to end it. I’m sorry, but there is no such thing as a casual relationship with feelings. It is simple, really, as any kind of feelings complicates things further.

The same goes for your partner. If you start noticing that they do things motivated by more complicated feelings, then it is time to put an end to the whole ordeal and move on. These little things can be a breakfast in bed after spending a night together, or other small tokens of appreciation and affection that don’t have any place in a casual relationship. In such case, talk things over with your partner, bring everything in the clear and make a decision that will benefit you both.

Jealousy is nothing but poison

Jealousy in any form or shape is not good at all. Whether it is a casual relationship, a serious committed relationship or in a marriage, jealousy has the potential to break it up. In terms of a casual fling, showing that you are jealous is a definite way to get yourself dumped.

If you happen to become jealous towards your casual partner, this is most likely a symptom that you are developing feelings towards them and maybe are afraid to tell them. And if you don’t handle jealousy immediately, it can fester, turn to anger and even worse. It can stimulate the outbursts of anger and complicate everything.

If you start to develop feelings towards your casual partner and notice jealous outbursts the smart things to do is talk to your partner clearly stating your side and ask for their opinion. Come to a mutually agreeable result that will benefit both and not end in disaster.

You need time apart, so plan for it

The secret to a casual hookup is to keep it casual. This primarily means that you should have a time limit of the time spent together. You can make an arrangement with your casual partner and maybe agree to only a time spent together for dinner and some sexy fun, and not staying for breakfast.

It may seem cruel, but this is the recipe for a casual relationship, anything more is hinting that you are interested in a more committed relationship. If you stay for breakfast once, it may be all right, but staying together for prolonged periods of time is a way to form a real relationship and not a casual hookup.

Final thoughts: casually end things before it becomes serious (pun intended)

Know the differences before you go headfirst into something: a sex date is when two people get together only for the reason of having sex and nothing more. A serious relationship is when people have deep feelings for each other, care for each other and plan a future together. Casual dating is “the status” in between. There is meeting using apps, time spent together, dates and sex, but no feelings or plans for the future.

And the best thing about a casual relationship is that it can end amicably for both sides. It is smart to think about ending your casual thing with someone when the first sprouts of deeper romantic feelings start to emerge, as this negates the whole point of having a casual relationship.

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